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Within the confines of my family, I’ve always been the biggest target of ridicule.
We all throw verbal darts around as though we’re engaged in a massive, drunken tournament at a bar, but the most poisonous ones seem to hit me the most often, admittedly somewhat a consequence of my own sensitivity.
I’ve been told it was historically all part of an effort to toughen me up, but instead I was filled with towering doubts about my own worth.
And since 2012, when I gave up a stable, tenured teaching career for the wildly inconsistent life of a freelance writer, I’ve had great difficulty trusting my own instincts and capabilities. ” She gently explained she could tell the day I walked into her office for the first time, after I flashed a bright smile and casually asked where she was from.
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It’s the waning moments of my fourth session with a new therapist. My entire body feels tense, not ideal for the setting.
She quickly and convincingly pointed out that I work rather hard and am, ultimately, paying my bills on time, that I have friends, an appreciation for arts and culture, and so on. ” “I was hoping to avoid it, I suppose.” I tell her the whole notion of having the hots for a therapist is such a sizable cliché that I was embarrassed to admit it.
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So I go home, incredibly turned on and completely unashamed.
* * * One of the great breakthroughs I’ve had in the thirteen months since I began seeing Lori (who agreed to participate in this article, but requested that her full name not be published) is a new ability to accept the existence of dualities in life.