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I would so do Michael Cera.” I went outside for a cigarette. Michael Cera is pretty much the epitome of everything masculinity supposedly eschews. He will destroy them not because of unrealistic expectations; awkwardly cute dorks aren’t hard to come by.The other day, I was stuck at my friend’s miserable birthday party here in Brooklyn. El Michael Cera, in retrospect, was a fucking nightmare.

Thousands of congratulatory tweets, still pouring in, confirmed that yes, it had. And of course, every girl he stuck his penis into was totally into it, because he was “just so cute and talked the entire time and made jokes while we made out! He literally charmed the leggings off anything with he came into contact with his geeky, pigeon-toed demeanor. El Michael Cera had fucked nearly all of my girlfriends (and their friends, and their co-workers) either previous to our relationship, or during. ” I asked, without pausing to consider the fact that my indignation wouldn’t register with these really pretty (and really inebriated) creatures. Yes, El Michael Cera was so awkward and dorky and self-deprecating. You’d think his level of neuroticism would fend off anything in ripped tights; at least be a warning sign for large amounts of emotional baggage ahead. Not for me, and not for every other girl in the neighborhood.

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