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Think of it like street harassment: It’s not as though every man on the street will catcall you, but after the fifth, tenth, or fiftieth time, you learn to protect yourself by avoiding certain street corners, always wearing headphones, and perfecting your resting bitch face. Not every white man I’ve had a romantic entanglement with has treated me poorly. Like holy water wards off vampires, I hope that it will keep me safe from the monsters outside my door—and the ones inside my bed.
But I’ve been fetishized, ridiculed, and insulted by white paramours enough times to be a little wary when a new white man enters my life.
photo credit: jesuslizrd Three old ladies are sitting around a table playing bridge and bragging about their sons. “He just had his 105th birthday and plays golf and goes swimming each day! ” So there was this female business executive who was late for a meeting.
So please revel in our hilarious collection of old people jokes. John looked at Rob and replied, “Did I say he wanted to?
But in a dating relationship, that pain takes on a new dimension.
It’s one thing to be called a racial slur by a stranger; it’s another to hear someone you care about, and someone you believed cared about you, use that racial slur to describe you to their friends.
When my white ex-boyfriend casually told me that I only got into the prestigious college we attended because I was black, his statement wasn’t just a woefully misguided understanding of how affirmative action policies really work.
It was also reinforcing a message that I and other women of color had been hearing for our entire lives: That because I wasn’t white, I was “less than.” That message hurts when it comes from a racially insensitive joke on a sitcom, a rejected job application or brutal police violence.
“Oh, gross,” he shouted over the music, “you’re black.” These are the horror stories that women of color share with each other over spooky campfires.Dating can be an awful affair for people of all genders, races, and orientations, but when you’re dating across categories of privilege, romance can be even more terrifying.Everyone’s had the experience of frantically wondering if their crush likes them back, but many women of color must also frantically wonder if their crush sees them as a human being.” Says Barbara “I don’t want to make any of you feel bad or anything, but wait until you hear about my Harry, twice a week he pays someone 0 an hour just so he can lie on their couch and talk to them, and who do you think he speaks about at those prices? Five minutes later, half the squad pulls up, the Chief of Police walks over to the woman’s window. Yes, he would need hearing aids and they ranged in price from .00 to ,000, was what he was told. The nurse placed the hearing aids into his ears and hung a wire around his neck. ” “Oh my gosh” gushed Greta, “I’m so glad you called, I knew I said yes to somebody but I just couldn’t recall who it was!Asks Barbara with a big excited double chin smile, “I’ll tell you who he speaks about! ” “Sugar why don’t you sit down by the table and we’ll start supper.” Said Dorothy to her Husband of 50 years. He is just the cutest, he says to me in the cutest voice “Hi Grandma! ” At the urging of Harry’s wife and doctor, 50 year old Harry finally made it to the gym.