05 04 2013 face to face adult chat fuck
I can’t tell you how many times people find out about my stage 4 diagnosis and say, “But you LOOK just fine!” The two are not always correlated, most especially at the time of diagnosis. But the rest of that comment, the dark underbelly, is “You don’t look like you’re dying” or in some ways more insidious, “If you look that good you can’t possibly be that sick/it can’t be that serious.” Don’t say you know you to be a good friend if you have had cancer, but it’s no guarantee. While the experience might have similarities, it doesn’t mean we will necessarily agree on how to deal with it.Sometimes a friend just needs to cry and vent, no advice wanted. I was the first person she called when she got the results.By asking you will show sensitivity to the distinction. I hope that some of these suggestions will be helpful and I am sure you will find others as readers comment on the post. I’ve told her I can be there for/with her for anything she needs me to help her with. See……she has been there for me for almost everything I have asked of her.
The other end of the spectrum is, “Oh I know someone who had that. ) Someone told me in response to learning I had metastatic breast cancer that his wife “had a bit of that last year.” If you had a coworker who worked the entire time she had treatment, that’s great. But that bears no relation to how someone else can handle their surgeries, treatments, and side effects.
Later in the chapter Julie recounts being a friend to someone who had to terminate a pregnancy. Give her reminders that she is not forgotten even if she is not out in public. It’s just more personal than seeing it on a screen.
She asks Julie a question that continues to haunt me: The truth of the matter is that for some it will. I love getting cards or texts or emails that tell me what my friends are up to. Of course texts and emails are great for frequent check-ins, but for a special message? Other winners to me are notes that remind me of a funny experience a friend and I had, a favorite memory. They will send me a pretty card and tell me what they saw at the farmer’s market or in their own garden or what they’re looking forward to about Spring. I don’t like religious quotations or cards that focus on people praying for me or hoping for a miracle.
That said, there are so many people in my life who are so wonderful. Who send notes or emails of support months after the initial shock. Texting and email help because talking on the phone is almost always too much of an ordeal and/or inconvenient. They are probably learning a lot of information in a short period of time and may not even know the details of their diagnosis and treatment.
I have friends who email me at the beginning of the week to say, “I’ll be at the grocery store, the drugstore, and the post office this week. ” Some will text on the spur of the moment, “Running to Costco. They don’t expect you to have the knowledge but you need a way to connect. Things will work out.” Saying this to someone with stage 4 cancer comes across as dismissive of the seriousness of their diagnosis.